little happiness

recently,i always see some photos came from my classmates.

happiness moments.

i dont know how to explain.
but i can feel that, they are really really in a great time

after some bad experiences,they did not crazy love each other,
but...quiet...
after meet some wrong guys.they finally meet their right person.

pink heart....pink heart..pink heart...hahahahahah...
wish they all can spend the rest life time with their right person...

my japanese "teacher" He Fan jiejie finally will back Beijing~~~YEAH
really want to see her....miss her so much...

tomorrow.finally i can have a lunch with mr.fan.
one year later...i want for this lunch for such a long time...
MR.fan. next time,please booking the lunch at that day....lol

mama went to xiamen..i think she is in somewhere in the middle of china now.
i dont like sleep on the train.so i am not go with her.

MSN is sick.i cant send msg.just can receive.but if i cant reply in one min, they still cant receive my msg...
i spent half day to fix this...i gave up...
who dont want to talk with me.this time,really dont need talk with me.dont need reply.
great!!!!!!!!!
if i cant use msn forever,thats really "great"

i wont send sms also.
any no reply thing i wont do.

ignore my real feelings.
i cant forget someone,
so i can no time to think him.
yeah....busy..busy..i need to busy.
20days later,i will busy in such hot country.
suffering life will come back.
no worries,i will crazy busy for my poor future.

dont want go back.
dont want go back.
want to have little happiness likes my classmates...
want to have a peace, safe,quiet life...

more and more ppl will go there for study...
thats all because my families' promotion...
need to reward my auntie and grandma ...haha...

things like that always happen..
i thought if i went to other countries.
japan,korea ,france,etc..
then,they will go there as same...

errrrrrrrrrrrrrr............

oh yeah.today i saw many babies when i was on the train.
so cute..and soooooooooooooo small.....
really want to bring them home and play them....so lovely...
pure angels...haha...

i didnt go for yoga for few days.
need to do tmr.and.pain my body by myself.
Hua Qian Zhao Zui Shou...
thats true...

really really miss someone....really,really ,really.
i am not willing to admit what i knew through past few days.
i want to time can stop at that special day.
....
nonono...dont do stupid thing again..

important XX

over 100 messages in the my babe sharp.
they were all from my babe friends.

24hours.
i really dont want love someone anymore...so tired...sad...hopeless...
also let my babe friends worried about me ...
this time, even my dear papa and mama...so sensitive
actually, i am fine.just tiring to love,but no one love me...haha

haha..maybe i am so seriously love him this time.
i am not saying "i love you"for fun.
i am honesty for love.
i know the difference between love and like.

i wonder,maybe i believe HIM too much.
since last time, HE really saved me from hell.
HE really let me see the hope again.
HE really listened to me.

i always wait.
i always do what i need to do best,
i really thanks what HE gives me.i really know i have to cherish.
i always practice myself better and better for the one HE will gives me.

i pray with HIM, and i was surprising what i pray really happened.
i almost believed thats he was in HIS PLAN. 欣喜若狂.
but...
i almost cant believe HIM now.

i try to find answer. i asked him why.
if this is the lesson that HE wants me to learn.
fine.
i cant say anything.

i think i need to understand HIM more.
to decide whether believe him completely again.

but anyway.
i cant let ppl who love me upset, when i was upset.
my emotion connect with them.
they knew what i suffered in the past,
so they were afraid thats would happen again.
no.i wont let them happen again.

i cant give up .
i am still optimist, thats all because of them.
believe in love,believe in friends.believe in faith,believe in dream.
they taught me to believe whatever i faced, just be strong.

all will become history.

no matter how pain i get, thats not important.
let me become your supporter. 你们开心才是我要看到的．这样我才会安心．

mum said.i was her everything.
so,she must be stronger to go through what she is suffering.
papa said,he wanted me to be a happy girl forever,thats why he named me with the meaning of happy.
so...i need to forget bad things.
i have to forget.
what let me upset,what let me cry....
no.no more.

我不知道未来是什么样的．
是我的，不管过多久都是我的．
虽然ＨＥ这次真的让我很失望，让我怀疑我对他的信仰．
可是，我会等他给我一个合理的解释．
反正我一直都在等，
也不在乎继续等．
就象往常一样，在等的过程中，继续努力完善自己吧．
虽然生活总是让我不如意．
可能大概是自己要求太高了吧．．．但是要求低了生活就没意思了．
我只想要对我来说重要的人，可以开心他们没有爱错我．
可以骄傲他们没有挺错人．
至少知道他们的短信费没白花．．．哈哈．．．

我就是执着，就是不认输．
越是不可能的事情，我越是要尝试．．．
既然有人可以做到，我也可以．．．
虽然这过程中总把自己弄的头破血流，把身边的朋友弄的鸡犬不宁．．．
他们说，我什么时候能成熟一点啊．．．有把握的时候再做．
我说．不成，等我有把握了，那没准就没机会了．

干什么都傻乎乎的．
所以现在也没人相信过去我对世界有多绝望．
就算我乐观，我对一切充满美好的期待，
可是，不知道的人也不会知道其实我心里的伤已经可以让我看淡一切不好的结果．
所以，我的不开心，只有最亲近的人知道，
我可以接受，只是不代表我会开心的接受．

其实爱情对我来说，是个奢侈的东西，
我期待真爱，可是我害怕．
爱上一个人，不是一瞬间的心动，是一种持续上升的感情．
所以，也不是他说＂不能再爱他＂就不爱了．
当喜欢上升成爱了．．
我就彻底不能控制了．
感情不是人自己可以控制的．至少我不能．
所以，既然他说ＨＥ会告诉我谁是对的人．
那我就等着，看他是不是ＨＥ给我的那个人．
不然，曾经发生的一切，都是徒劳，何必发生呢？

不知道为什么写这些，
不过．留着以后看吧．

thanks Joel

Thanks Joel...really thank you.
since you knew me, you are always here to listen my words,
helps me.
taught me about bible, told stories....
the first singaporan i met, also the first friend i knew in singapore.
thanks for the talking.
thats really help me a lot.

there was no wrong choice.
oh yeah.i just noticed that.whatever i choose,there should be an ending.
just two types ending,not right one ,or wrong one.

then,when i was running today,
i suddenly remind what grandma billy always said to me
"it is god's plan,seems like you are very far from your goal,
but, actually, you are very closer to your goal.
so,don't upset about what you are suffering, just face them."

thats true.
i can say,no joel,then no bible study with grandma billy.
no grandma billy,then maybe,i am not who i am now.
at least, i will not still believe tomorrow will be better.

说的比做的好

说得比做得好听.
我必须很认同.

今天去看SAKURA..
报纸又误倒了大众,
SAKURA基本上都没开,
开了那一两棵成为所有人的宠儿.

失望..失望...
就跟我看见相机里自己的脸还是那么胖一样.
失望...

但是我从来不绝望...

因为明年我一定要去上野公园看.
等了四年,
第五年.总是可以去了吧?

又开始嘲笑自己,
真的很嘲笑自己.
算了算了...

我就永远自己嘲笑自己好了...

词穷

词穷了.
所以不得瑟英语了.

听了一夜的<妥协>,
其实我更喜欢JOLIN在百分百现场唱的版本.

你总爱编织谎言

我负责配合表演

所有改变

只为了进入你的世界

这情节 重复了一百遍

才发现 是你的心太远

你划定楚河汉界 我不能轻易犯规

所有时间

都是先给了你优先权

不自觉 爱到不敢冒险

成了你的傀儡一年两年 才看见我有多狼狈

你只是害怕一个人睡 我不想再为你掉泪

我了解 不会再仍在徘徊 开始自己的明天

爱到妥协 到头来还是误解

抱着你 不让你飞

历史不断重演 我好累

爱到妥协 也无法将故事再重现

你也想退后一点 我躲在我的世界

不是都说爱情只是生活的调剂品么?
那为什么每个人提到爱情,都变成了悲情偶像剧的主角?
总有一个人为爱变的卑微....

挺矛盾的.
我做好了改变一切的觉悟.
结果不自觉又变成了无法自拔的傻瓜.
好在
现在我挺自觉的.
望而却步...我明白一头热换来的只是,对不起,谢谢,再见.

有的时候真的很讨厌那些根本不了解我就要我做他女朋友的伪君子.
以为我不清楚你们脑子都在想些什么么?
我虽然傻,
但是也没那么容易被花言巧语就给骗了.

可是,反过来想,
他难道不会这么想么?

好吧.词穷.无法充分表达.
吃饭了.

running,thinking

i ran for 70mins today,about 6.5km.
i didnt want to stop,just kept running.
i stopped when i felt a little bit hard to breath.
was it my limited?
my heart beated very fast,
the towel was totally wet.
i even cant stand after i finished running.

tired,dont want to move even one step.
but still need to bring myself home.
i attracted ppl's attention again.
i thought maybe because my face let me seems like very sick.

not only for losing weight.
but i was tired to think everything.
i want to forget everything,
my brain is out of my control.
everything came to me together...
very messy.

i was afraid that, ly maybe would not back to singapore .
i admitted that i tried to stop her leaving.
but, it all depend on herself.
her results. her mum.
how can i live without her?
i really dont know.

we are not only friends,but like family members.
then.when i back,how?

i am not suppose to think this ,
but the unknown future is very near.

i know, because i love my friends,
i have to support them to realise their dreams.
i have to glad to hear the news ,like they will go to other countries.
i have to wish them good luck.

Kyoto.new york.holland.macau.hongkang.canada....

ppl come, ppl leave.
thats life .
i met so many ppl in the past.
who are still here?

seems like i am a happy girl.
but i am not.
i need to encourage others to be happy.
as i really dont want to see they are unhappy
i wonder maybe my heart is made by glass..
too easy to break.
just seems like a strong heart.

time will prove everything.
i believe that no matter how many years passed.
we will be still like past.

it is really terrible to think things too much more.
i cant accept.
thinking will not change anything.
thinking will give me high expection, but i know it will not happen.

the precious friendship i got , i left them in the deep of heart.
it is proud that i got them as my best friends.
really.

the beautiful relationship i want...
i really dont know how to keep and manage relationship.
and i know it will be very hard,
my experience tells me i always harder than others.
the maximum time i can wait is 10 years.
thats my choice, not too selfish of you.
even i already known that, maybe i couldnt get anything at the end.
but love someone,i dont need he gives me anything .
no matter what will happen.
all i want,is.he will get happiness,successed...

running let my back more pain than yesterday.
maybe i will not do yoga so seriously next time.
thinking let me messy.
and.nothing came out from thinking.
everything is same.

happy face^^

i am happy..not sleepy at all,even i got up super early today...
i need to work hard on my english, and ...fight with fat.
thanks for my dearest friends , always know what i thought, i cannot live without you...

simple is best.

i realised.

relax now...
no expection, no disappointed.
no matter what i get in the end.

life always surprising me.
haha~~

i cried again this afternoon..maybe i drunk so many liquid recently.
i asked for the punishment from god as i was not do what i promised.
sometimes, when i was suffering. it is not easy to control myself.
but, i gained two gifts after i back home

SHARP HANDPHONE!!!papa will buy it for me.
and
mr.secret.
as you said, it is important to understand each other.
so , improve the communication between us,
haha...

ingored what happened this afternoon already...

now.big smile^^on the face..
happy happy happy^^
pray for the happy ending.

letter to the heaven

to heaven:
i always believe that you are still here.
protect me, help me.

1994,9,7.
the day you closed your eyes forever.
i just been a primary school student for seven days
mum said you just slept.

after 15 years,i still thought you just sleep.
you never leave .

the time we spared was limited,
you even did not have enough time to tell me your story,
and ,witness every important moment of mine.

but , i know you are here ,you are not missed any moment.
because you love me.even you never told.
when i was in the locked room, you used laddle to get into the room and encouraged me;
when i was crying, you are the one hugged me.
never say no to me, always play with me,always ......

i never forget. i can not forget.

i watched some videos about you,
people use them to record your glory
i read some articles about you,
people use them to tell your story.
i am proud of these,i gain power from these.

i know you are here, just stand behind me.
the connect between us , like magic.

-where you have been,what you have done.
become what i want to do,where i want to go.
which i need to learn.

wherever i am. whatever i do.
you are with me
i cried in the night lonely, then you sit beside the bed, i feel the warm air around me.
i scared the loneliness in singapore at night, but stand behind me.give me the power to overcome.
i left home myself,but you go there with me.

after i cried,i became more stronger,
after i scares, i became more stronger,
after i left home, i became more stronger.
i grew up with you. i believe. you guide me to be stronger.
you are in my heart.

dear grandfather,
i never tell how much i love you , how much i miss you.
but today, i wrote it here.

tomorrow , i will see you. it is a really long time since i saw you last time.
this time, you stay there, wait me.


from,the smallest

可不可以大声的说我喜欢你？

没有勇气的我．

连打出＂我喜欢你＂这四个字都没有勇气．

可是我就是喜欢你．

喜欢你．喜欢你的一切．

可是你都不知道，我一直在等你．一直．一直．

看到你的头象突然出现在电脑的一角，我有多开心．

可是却又要小心翼翼．

我太怕，

怕你拒绝我，怕你说你已经有了喜欢的人．怕从此连朋友都做不成．

怕别人知道我喜欢你而嘲笑我．不是嘲笑被喜欢的你，而是配不上你的我．

我有想过，清清楚楚的告诉你我的心情．

可是，我害怕在还没有足够了解前，我就失去了机会．

我害怕突然出了一个＂她＂，让我只能再一次的站在一旁默默的祝福你．

从第一次突然看到你出现在我的身后，看到你温暖的笑容开始．

我默默的看着你．每周都等待你的出现．

期盼着我能在茫茫人海中找到你．

只要看到你就足够了．

我以为一切就停留在此了．

我一直觉得你就是梦．只有在梦里才可以靠近的人．

可是你突然又出现了．

我面对你，一直都在极力掩饰，掩饰我的紧张．

就好象做错事的小孩子被发现了一样．

你都不知道，我紧张到心跳都处于停止的状态．

到现在，我只记得你当时的笑容．

和那句：see you.see you soon．

我以为属于我的缘分终于来了．

我以为这份默默藏在心底的感情，终于可以表达出来了．

我以为我一直等的人就是你．

我以为这份感情一定会被你接受．

都是我以为而已啊．．．

每天都在想要如何拉近和你的距离．

如何让这一切变得理所当然．．．

可是，

我真是看了太多的偶像剧了．

这么优秀的你，怎么可能会和我在一起呢．

这么善良的你，怎么可能会和我在一起呢．

连自己都会嘲笑自己．

无数次的鼓励自己，青春太短．

要不就疯狂一下．把＂我喜欢你＂的心情大声的传给你．

可是好象越来越喜欢你，越来越在乎你．

所以．就越来越不敢透露丝毫我的心情．

就算写在这里，你也看不懂吧．＾＾或者你也不知道我喜欢的就是你．

我认命．

如果注定好的男孩，我不配．

可是，该怎样，至少有勇气，对你说．我喜欢你呢？

多想回去就看到你，多想拥有和你的独家记忆．

多想陪你过生日．

可是我没有勇气说爱你．一切何来？

水嶋ヒロ..SAMA!!!

FROM: メイちゃんの执事

because of this drama, i become a fan of 水嶋ヒロ(hiro).

hiro in the drama was very gentle,sweet,cool,handsome........etc.

even it is not hiro san...

anyway i love both of them

i saw the finale.

a happy ending,,,,they hug ,they kiss.

we waited for these moments for three months..lol

editor at least gave our hiro the chance to be a lover with MEI...

even the story was a little bit mess...

some important points were missed

and .i want to see how they continue their relationship...

really hope there are season two....

after they confirm the importance between each other,

after they dealed with many problem...

i want to see how sweet they are...

so...season two!!!!or sp...

today.

i received a msg from my ex-something.

its let me very upset,when i saw something 暧昧．

i thought i can keep the great moment in my mind.

but now.i dun want to know anything about him.

oh..my..god..

take care ur new honey,and never contact me!!!

ok???

errrrrrrrrr.........disappear............

one month left

my dear...haha...she just older than me less than 24hours.
i cant remember when we became best friend.but i just know she is the one that support me,
love me,and always be there when i am not happy.


last year..we started a relationship with two something guys at same time.and end them also almost same....thats because we are best friends?? haha..


need to meet her one more time.otherwise, i dun know when i can meet her again..
luckyly..we are live in a digital world...there is internet...haha




there is one more month in beijing.

reccently, the weather is pretty nice. the temperature,the winds, the sunshine...
this is my spring.
i love spring

spring is the season for love..haha...its true because during my school life,
most of student couples started their romance in spring.
some of them are being together till now...
WOW^^

i will face a choice soon.
but i dun want to think about it anymore.
leave it when i really need to choose^^

study in america or work in singapore?
thats a question like the one that i faces three years ago.
tokyo or singapore.
but my mum forced me to choose singapore at that time ...lol

hmmm...i will decide by myself this time. i will not step back anymore.
i will not give up..haha...
and i think no matter which one i choose , my mum will support me.as she know i am not a little girl like three years ago anymore.and she also dun want me to waste my time..thats great!

i have a promise with my other two dear friends.
our triangle:)
will back to beijing and open a small cafe store or something
when we all realise our dreams.
we need a place to prove our friendship.
to memory our story.
to take a rest when we feel tried
to remain the happiness.

i wish we can keep our friendship untill i die...
oh..nonono..i will wait to see them in the heaven...haha

and .i lose some weight !!!woohoo~~
slim down.slim down.slim down..
haha...